by | Mar 11, 2018 | Couples

Maintaining a healthy, happy relationship

Relationships take work. Sometimes our partner’s shortcomings (as we see them) can be frustrating. But being part of a couple makes us a part of a team. And, as any good team knows, to be successful and thrive we have to work together.  One of the many differences between males and females is that our brains are wired in very different ways. Women tend to want to talk about their emotions and what is upsetting them to their friends and partner. The majority of men, on the other hand, are more likely to keep it to themselves.

In couples counselling we help clients to understand these differences.  Remember we are more likely to forgive and become more tolerant of our partner’s ways, when we understand the reasons behind their behaviour.

How well do we know them?

How well do you know your partner? Sure, we know how they like their tea or coffee in the morning. We know that they get fed up with finding our pants on the floor. But have you both talked about what really makes you tick and what upsets you? If it’s possible to have a calm conversation with them about things you would prefer they didn’t do, then that is a step in the right direction.

But also it’s all too easy to focus our attention on the negative aspects of a relationship, and forget the little things; the nice loving, caring things that our partners do for us. And as human beings we like to be praised. So the next time someone, does something nice for you like making your lunch or doing the washing or filling the car up with petrol, then thank them. In an article called The Grateful Brain in Psychology Today, Alex Korb Ph.D. says that according to the results of four separate studies, “gratitude can, among other things, help you exercise more, sleep better and be happier.”

Are you bringing your old relationships into your new one?

Sometimes there maybe some old pain or insecurities that we have bought along from old relationships. Maybe one of you has felt the heartbreaking sting of cheating. Or found yourself in a relationship with someone that can’t be trusted to give you the truth. Maybe your present relationship is bearing the brunt of this previous experience, even though this partner has never hurt you. If one partner feels insecure and jealous this can cause problems. The NHS quoting clinical psychologist Linda Blair, states that “intense feelings of jealousy can have similar effects to chronic anxiety …If not addressed, jealousy can also lead to depression.

If this is something that has happened to you then it’s possible that you need some help to let go of those memories that are bothering you, so you can leave the past in the past and look forward to a brighter future with a partner that you can grow old with.

How can we help?

We can discuss how your emotional needs are being met, and find new healthy ways of fulfilling the ones that aren’t, since that may be the cause of friction in the relationship. Let us work together to bring openness and honesty to the relationship. During the sessions we will listen to you both, firstly together, then individually, to make sure that both voices are heard and understood and that needs are being met on both sides equally. This will give you the tools to work together as a team, so you can both be the best person you can be.

GET IN TOUCH to see how much we can help you.

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Russ: 07760 301992

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